But I just can’t.

Black drapes, inches from me, separates that allowed bright light to cast my pale skin. Smoke from old rich men’s cigarettes fill the air. Although dark, I can see my audience’s silhouettes. My eyes, fix on that silvery pole, the only entity that I see vividly, planted on the center part of the end of the ramp. I became aware of my garments; a long red arm velvet gloves, a strapping black bikini and a luscious fake diamond choker. I took a step. Their shadows shifted to have a better see. I have hold of the pole. I swung and I started to dance slowly, sensually. All eyes are on me, I can feel it. As I glide up and down, as I arch my body, as I balance myself with the pole, I felt disgusted. I felt the urge to scrub all the unseen dirt away on my body. I felt a hurdle in my gut. I’m starting to feel nauseous. But I need to do this. I have a lot of chances to leave this job. But I just can’t. I need the money for nursing school. I need the money to feed my child. I need the money to pay my rent. I need the money. And no decent job can pay all this. I push frustration back in my head and I continue to glide down the platform. Men started to place bills on me. A old mister inserted a big amount of bill on my panty strap. I gave him a lap dance and he gave 2 more bills. Another mister took my hand, gave him a dance, place 3 bigger bills in my bra. He felt my tits, gave it a smuck, touch my bum and gave it a spank, I pretended I enjoyed it, gave a bitchy giggle and winked at the old dude. My gut twisted further. Moments later, the red light is on. I see it. That red light indicates that your show ends now. My heart pounds. My eyes starts to fill with tears as I proceeded to the drapes. Behind the drapes I crumbled and on the floor I sat. I buried my face with my palms. I let the tears flow. Then I collected the money, stood up, went to my dressing room, changed to street clothes and exited the club with my hands in my pocket and heads down. I headed home. I heard my child greeting, it drew a smile on my face. She asked me how I am, I told her I’m fine. I hugged her tight and she said that she loved me. And just like that all my worries immediately vanished.